As an avid Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter scroller, it is almost daily that I come across another engagement or sonogram picture. Of course, I deem these congratulatory moments as they are typically people that I know and I am thoroughly happy for their soon-to-be wedding/baby. Here come the baby/bridal shower invites and save the dates; taking up all space on my refrigerator next to my daughter’s artwork. Now I have to start thinking ahead about what gifts to buy and setting aside some money from my paycheck to even buy a gift. I’m actually not so good at buying gifts ahead of time.
Day of the event.
I am sitting down watching a friend open her gifts for her new bundle of joy or open gifts for what she could potentially wear on her wedding night. My mind starts to wonder and I subconsciously put myself in the shoes of the friend having a baby/getting married.
“I wonder if I would use this when I have another baby. I wonder what my wedding gown will look like”…. So on and so forth.
If you are anything like me, these are thoughts you have when you are attending everybody else’s baby/bridal shower & weddings, but your own. I wouldn’t necessarily categorize it as jealousy, but sometimes you can’t help but to visualize yourself in her place.
My story is a little bit different. I had my daughter when I was 19 years old and she is now 6. I did have my moment of opening gifts in front of close friends and family. But I was also very young, single, suffering depression, confused, and full of guilt for having a child so young. My daughter is rather awesome and I’ve been blessed beyond measure, but there is a part of me that wishes I would’ve waited and done it “right.” I want more kids one day and want to share that moment with my HUSBAND as well as family and friends.
I’m also in a relationship that has strong potential for marriage in the near future (pray for me y’all), so my daydreams when I’m attending someone else’s wedding turn into movies. I get to instagramming bridal pages to see what I like, floral arrangements, and browsing through playlists to see what song I would have my first dance to.
I have to text my friend sometimes to tell her to tell me to put my phone down and get myself together.
What I am learning is that there is a fine line between a little day-dreaming here and there and falling in too deep in something that hasn’t even come to fruition yet.
- Humility check: I had to assess was I truly happy for my friend who was getting married/having a baby, or am I using this as an opportunity to selfishly roam through my imagination. My thoughts swiftly put me at the center and I had to check myself. It aint my turn yet.
- Contentment: I have to enjoy the now. Embrace the now. Chill in the now. I am only 25 and God knows the desire of my heart to be married and have more kids and it’ll happen in his timing (I had to say that out loud a few times as I am on instagram looking at wedding dresses). Besides, taking on the role of a parent is a game-changer. If you adore sleep and coming/going as you please and aren’t quite ready to give that up yet, gone ahead and wait a minute.
- Cart before the house: I would have these daydreams before I even got in a relationship and I done probably messed around and planned out my whole wedding in my head. I can almost guarantee my real wedding won’t end up anything like I envisioned. I need to be okay with that, as my thoughts didn’t even include the man I am with now, whom I desire to marry.
- False ideals: We tend to put the term “goals” at the end of everything. We see pictures of couples, weddings, newborn babies, and create assumptions on how we think their life is like and how much we want our life like theirs. Weddings are beautiful, but they don’t tell you about how they almost broke up in pre-marital counseling because discussions got heated. Babies are precious, but they don’t tell you how that epidural didn’t work and they felt every drop of pain. They don’t tell you how their daughter starts talking back at the age of 3 and they gotta remember that she is only 3….Jesus.
If it’s any piece of advice I can give all of us, acknowledge that these days are only 1 day. Weddings turn into marriages and baby showers turn into years and years of parenting. Both of which are lifetime commitments not to be played around with. Shoot, come baby-sit my daughter for me. Let’s see if you still got baby fever
We really just gotta sit tight and keep living. To my knowledge, marriages and pregnancies ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.